Ladies; broaden not thy wardrobe, but thy perspective
Funny creatures, men are. At a stretch, barely a sliver of difference. Different stripe patterns on two adjacent zebras. But then, zebras are better simply because they’re “bearable,” aren’t they?
My buddy Larry and me featured in this week’s “Spot the difference” but nobody won
Hair stuck up with repugnant hair gel, same fashion trend since the radio was invented, and the same perversion which just comes inherently to these spiteful creatures, same protein-junkie, apparently-funkie, rock-punkie jerks who can’t tell magenta from purple and yet confidently calls it orange. That is just what a man is, isn’t he?
But have you ever wondered how ingrained this is? And if you ever find asking yourself what is it that ingrained a thought so deep in your logic, then congrats! You’re attempting to break the shambles of femi-nazism and truly working towards feminism – which btw means equality and not feminine supremacy.
*cough* ego buster *cough*
You need to understand that just like a lot of things in life, the media and entertainment biz has been setting prejudices in your gullible head. We’re not saying you’re not smart enough, but duh! Use your head a bit! You can’t run a feminist parade with zero logic now, can you? Oh, wait.
Mainstream pop culture is seemingly fancy but you have no idea how bad it has been messing with you. Brace yourselves now, for you are about to get onto a ride through enlightenment, shunning prejudices and redeeming a gender for the respect it deserves. Wait a minute, is this 1850?
You too, Sir Doggone!
1. Short men don’t exist. Dwarves do
A lot of slack is cut aside for men who didn’t inherit tall genes. Poor chipper fellas keep cursing that fateful gene division all their life even if they don’t know what the bloody hell that is! If in a short man’s world, being tall isn’t a criterion cringe-worthy, then why is the reverse existent? We’ve heard endless BTS stories of actors made to wear heels so as to appear tall to the audiences? One should be asking oneself, why is this a prerequisite to ideality? The question I end up asking is, who is at fault here? The audience or filmmakers? And whatever the answer is, the loser at this bout of humorizing genetic failure in height are men. Minus tall genes, obvio. Pass me the slack you cut for me when I entered the room, because I am short, please? Thanks! 
2. Being smart and knowing Krav maga from birth maketh a man
Ladies, you need to understand, we are humans. Not some super computer programme installed in a super soldier that would fight for you when the shady guy down the lane barely sneezed ‘cause you passed by. I agree that men are supposed to chase away evils and all of that caveman crap, but you must’ve guessed that we are a bunch of know-nots too. We can be good at either of them, or neither of them. Spare us the sass just because we aren’t half as cool as Khal Drogo. He died, remember? So the next time you face the dread of carrying a heavy bag, do it. You would lift an Esbeda bag full of Esbeda bags if the need be, without as much as a flinch. Fend for yourself, feminist.
Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy. But here’s my number, so Khal me maybe?
3. That a man should be notorious and must hold a good, stable job
Out of all the expectations that lay on a man, this one flabbergasts me the most! It is like asking a tiger to live in a desert or stranding a camel in supermart. THEY JUST DON’T FIT THERE! You need, and I will insist on this, to get your priorities straight on this one. The guy owning a multi-million company and undoing your briefs in a lift is a man-of-fiction not a man-of-action. The guys up in the hierarchy of a conglomerate attain that spot with years of dedication and hard work during which they forget to be badass! Contrariwise, notoriety won’t ensure your man a stable job. A stable job needs conviction which, I’m afraid, barely complies with the requisites of badass. Conviction to be badass, possible. But you need to let go of one in order to achieve the other. This ain’t no walmart sale. You won’t get the best of both worlds unless your man has some acute version of DID. Sometimes, to understand the simple logics of life, you need to close your eyes, calm your breath and be real for once. Nothing much to it, really. No grey area in that logic zone, is there?
4. Quiet, brooding and mysterious men alone are sexy
Now, I don’t know what trajectory in the evolution of mankind managed to father that notion, but it’s weird simply because all men aren’t that way. Some are frivolous. Some are banal. Some just ass-scratchy childish (though that doesn’t serve acceptable on hygienic grounds). Some are yelly gamers and some are unconfidently shy. But men they come in shades of a wide spectrum of colours and not just grey. One does understand the proclivity we as humans have towards the unknown but that should not be the sole yardstick for you to choose your man. For in the end, you also must remember, that you aren’t perhaps what he had in mind. He perhaps compromised. Show some tad bit of gratitude, maybe?
5. Tall, dark, handsome and a dream you need to get out of
Setting up an image of the ideal guy you’d allow to contribute to the gene structure of your child, is a common teenage fad. This only gets out of hands when your teenage fad ascends through your adulting years and holds a sweet spot in your mind while you are in your twenties-something. Place your head where your shoulder is and understand that a man is what he is and not just how he looks like. Millions of stories you will find online where women complain about their guy cheating on them and apparently “showing his true colours.” You know why that happened Jenny? Because you ditched poor ol’ Larry when he got you orchids. Luke’s Harley looked sexier, init? Should’ve gone for the orchids.
Hopeless as it seems, the world is full of flawed people. And it is our flaws that define the race that we are. “To err is human…”
For in the end, we’re all feminists, aren’t we?
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