Dating tips men got all wrong
“21 ways to be a guitar legend overnight”, “16 classic ways to be a cricketing sensation”, “53 ways to not be a douchebag,” we are a generation living by the rules set by a random Buzzfeed/Scoopwhoop article. Which is actually a pretty scary thought because more often than not, this is written by a 20-something who is just pressurised by his editor to vomit out a listicle because hey! Listicles are cool!
The truth has been spoken. Not by Buzzfeed at least.
I’d be honest here that I too, for one, don’t know what is it that I write. But there remains that one thing that I know for sure. And that is — what I shouldn’t be writing which in this case, would be: giving shitty dating advice.
Now I ain’t no expert at this Dating stuff. Have barely managed to keep one steady relationship for as long as 3 hours. It is the failures that I have come across that made me believe that all of what is spewed at our faces in the name of sound dating advice is nothing but plain, banal, smelly shit. Yeah, that’s all that it is.
Men, massive mongers of this thing called the internet, tend to think that all of whatever it is they need is “up online.” Switching back the fuse? Google. Top goal scorer this season? Google. How to raise a baby? Google. How do I pee without my pee flow curving? Google. And though 7 out of 10 times Google would provide you with the correct answer to your dilemma, it can be wrong 3 times! Now, if you think relying on something that isn’t entirely fault-proof for something as fragile as a date than those are slick chances you are signing in for, mi amigo.
Out of all the things out there, the truth in dating pieces of advice thrown at you contains elephantine amounts of shit.
With thorough experience (including being slapped, hurled at, insulted, outright rejected and the worst of all: friendzoned, for more times than I’d remember) here is a list of things you MUST NOT believe.
- Be yourself
This by far is the shittiest advice anyone can give you before a date. When on a date, of course, you are gonna be yourself. You can’t be Tim who’s got it all smooth with them chickas. And try as hard as you’d want, you can’t be Tim.
This is, in reality, a highly misworded advice. A world of good would be done if one just told me, put your best foot forwards because being yourself has gotten you nothing but a sad, lonesome life. Now, considering your perceptive abilities, I would like to add a word of caution: do not go all pretentious now!
Just because you have to put your best foot forward doesn’t mean you act like someone you aren’t. All that you need to know is that you need to put a foot forward that explains you the best. That’s all. Don’t go out of the way, but just enough to come across as ‘not a creep’. Yeah, that should pretty much pave a way for a second date. - Movies junkies make ideal date mates
There you are, screening your eyes through show timings of multiple shows around town because she said yes for a date with you. You need to know that the first date is a crucial point of your relationship. This is ground zero stuff — the foundation of what could be a long-lasting gig. Make sure you don’t waste important moments from this chance encounter by staring at pretty people doing fancy stuff on the screen. You need to TALK! Get to know each other more and foremostly, unsubscribe to that smug fella who told you to take her out to a movie on a first date. That is such a no-no!
- Nice guy mode: On!
This actually comes to men without having to be advised on. You don’t need to tell them to do this. This just comes. This is where the problem lies. If you put up a goody-two-shoes side of you up, chances are likely of you going unnoticed. You haven’t done anything that 500 men before you haven’t. This would also push you to be someone you aren’t and trust me, that puts you in one helluva uncomfortable spot.
Uncomfortable = nervous = being perceived as unconfident = ❎
Guys who are truly nice would not constantly try to be seen as one. They just are. Women have a knack to see straight across the act you are putting up, so might as well not do it. Keep it natural and you’d sail. Don’t try to be something you won’t be months down the line. - Sex sex sex
Adhering to the point stated above, nice guys do not have sex as their priority. Spending time with a person who perhaps shares similar interest with you is what they look forward to. A nice time is all that matters. If it leads to sex, well, good enough. But that shouldn’t be the driving force for all your actions through your date. Sex is an important part in the sustenance of relationship but not the building block. Take it as it happens. Don’t push for it or else it’ll only take 0.5 seconds for her to take you to be a nice guy to a nymphomaniac whom she’d report to the closest cop.
- Texting is as tricky as it gets
This aspect of dating is what decides majorly, the outcome of your stint with them ladies.
Firstly, do not pester her with too many texts upfront. When you do this, you are giving away too much off information leading to silent encounters (unless you are like an Indiana Jones who would never run out of tales to brag about). The biggest disadvantage of texting is that you are losing out on the real reaction of the person concerned. You lose out on manoeuvring the conversation to amusement. You speculate on a text and that is where the shit goes down.
Secondly, the 3-day rule just doesn’t work. Don’t wait that long. Drop in a text sometime sooner sharing your experience. Subtlety is important before asking her out on another date, but set up a ground for that to happen now that you have aced ground zero.
You know, I could write enough on this to make it publishable material. An author in the making, yo! But I’d rather hold my horses for availing you cuckoo-heads of free stuff.
Also, here you will find a cool survey form for filling so it can help other oppressed lonely men out there to up their game a bit. Brother helps brother, right? Click here for the quick survey. Also, get off BuZZfeed man. They’re the reason you sit alone reading this, ya know?